Dear diary, there are more and more signs to my trans identity, to my actual essence being reflected best by the feminine spirit. Why is it all so obvious now - yet in the past I tried so hard to be a... man? I hate that word when it is implied towards me.
Although not necessarily, if it is a man who is in charge of me, of my imagined feminine body during intercourse. With that I'm fine. That's as far 'male' as I can go. It was always something external to me and it will stay like that. This is not where my innate energy or focus lies.
My intuition was right in showing that, for me, the feminine is within, it is in the heart and body, but the masculine is external, it is the structure that lies outside of me. It is there - I haven't renounced all masculinity - I have merely become more conscious of my position towards it, and towards my innate proclivity towards the feminine.
There is absolutely no going back after this.
Tomorrow, I'll try to focus more on developing my thoughts, since I haven't had this much introspection necessarily, I was just talking to someone else about my thoughts. I need to return here with greater style rather than just logging in for 10 minutes. This diary was meant to see more.
Less and less do I want to hide this from the world... I can't be a man anymore. I have to outwardly, acutely reject it, let it be known.
My name is Alicia and I'm proud of it.
🏳️⚧️